Patient Assistance And Emotions
I have to say Thanks to all the pharmaceutical companies out there who offer patient assistance programs. As I may have mentioned before, I have no medical insurance, can’t afford it even if the company I work for offered it. For those of you who may not know what the patient assistance program is, basically it’s for folks like me who have no insurance benefits, and no way to pay for the expensive medications that are required to treat various ailments.
Since I was diagnosed as being HIV+ I have never had to pay for any of the major medications that I have been on. I have never had to pay for a flu shot, pneumonia shot, or anything else that I may require due to my disease. On rare occasions I have had to come up with some cash to buy medications, for colds and such, but usually even those are provided for me. For the most part, the latter of what I have mentioned as been provided due to funding/donations from MAO, but the major medications have been provided to me free of charge by the pharmaceutical companies.
Now, while my feelings about some of these medications are mixed, I truly appreciate the help that has been provided to me, not only by MAO, but the drug companies as well. If it weren’t for them, who knows what condition I would be in today.
As I mentioned in my post about my last medical update my doctor wants me to have a full run of labs, pap, mammogram, and colonoscopy. MAO does so much, however they are not able to do everything. The frustration comes in when I can’t afford to see anyone that I may have to be referred to in order to have some of these tests done. I am due for my pap anyway, and MAO normally takes care of this, so that isn’t a big issue. (Other than the fact that I don’t want to get it done. J) I will be referred for the mammogram, because as far as MAO has come over the years, they just don’t have the kind of equipment to take care of this. MAO will be paying for this out of funding, thankfully. Unfortunately however, I may not be able to have the colonoscopy because again, it’s something I will have to have a referral for, and MAO doesn’t have the funding for that. My nurse practitioner said she would see what she could do, but probably I won’t be able to get one.
Really, I don’t want to go through a colonoscopy anymore than the next person does, but under the circumstances it is something that I really do need to have done in order to make sure there aren’t any problems. I don’t have any heredity issues concerning this, so it’s probably nothing, but the doctor wants to make sure that I don’t have colon cancer, or any other form of cancer that could be causing my weight loss.
For whatever reason, I’m not really too concerned that I have cancer. I suppose it could be denial (probably is) I just feel like it is ‘time’ for me to loose weight. Yes, silly I know, but I have been heavy the better part of my life. I figure it’s my turn to be thin, or at least thinner than I have been. I still would rather have the tests done to find out if there is something wrong, and have it taken care of, if there is. Of course I guess even if they did find out that I had cancer, I probably couldn’t get treatment anyway. I’m sure that MAO won’t cover that.
It just dawned on me that in general, I don’t worry about having HIV, or getting anything else for that matter. Yeah, I get sick, and sometimes I feel like I’m going to do die. I haven’t though. I’m still here. I much more prefer to get stressed out about how I’m going to pay the phone bill, or how I’m going to get my car fixed WHEN it breaks down again. I just don’t stress about HIV very much. I admit, occasionally I do, but it sure isn’t very often. I gave it to God a long time ago, and I know whatever his will is, it will be. (I suppose I should do the same with the phone bill and car, eh?)
I think what bothers me the most about having this disease is what it will do to my family and friends if I were to die. I’m one of those people who are more concerned about everyone else and their feelings than I am my own. I know if I were to die, that I would be with God, and that makes me happy, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about my family and friends who love me, those who I will leave behind. Yeah, I am one of the sappy types too; I’m sitting here crying just thinking about how my dad would take it. My step-mother, as stubborn as she can be, I think it would hurt her a lot too. I imagine my mom would for some reason feel guilty and feel as if she wasn’t there enough for me. My sister would probably be horribly hurt, even though she’ll never admit it. My little brother, I really don’t know how he would react, and I worry about him the least. I know he loves me. He’s a strong bugger, he’d probably hold the rest of the family together. My husband, it would probably destroy him, especially being that we have been separated for the better part of our marriage thanks to the slow immigration system. (And we are still waiting.)
I really don’t know how the subject changed so quickly. As I have said, I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, and I will fight for as long as the fight is within me. I truly believe that God has a plan for me; I don’t think it’s to die from this disease or any other for that matter.
I have adapted the song from “Finding Nemo” that ‘Dory’ sings…Just keep fighting, just keep fighting, what do you do, you fight, fight. Sorry to get so emotional. I can’t even watch one of those stupid long distance commercials without boohooing. Just for good measure, how bout you call your family and let them know how much they mean to you.
Since I was diagnosed as being HIV+ I have never had to pay for any of the major medications that I have been on. I have never had to pay for a flu shot, pneumonia shot, or anything else that I may require due to my disease. On rare occasions I have had to come up with some cash to buy medications, for colds and such, but usually even those are provided for me. For the most part, the latter of what I have mentioned as been provided due to funding/donations from MAO, but the major medications have been provided to me free of charge by the pharmaceutical companies.
Now, while my feelings about some of these medications are mixed, I truly appreciate the help that has been provided to me, not only by MAO, but the drug companies as well. If it weren’t for them, who knows what condition I would be in today.
As I mentioned in my post about my last medical update my doctor wants me to have a full run of labs, pap, mammogram, and colonoscopy. MAO does so much, however they are not able to do everything. The frustration comes in when I can’t afford to see anyone that I may have to be referred to in order to have some of these tests done. I am due for my pap anyway, and MAO normally takes care of this, so that isn’t a big issue. (Other than the fact that I don’t want to get it done. J) I will be referred for the mammogram, because as far as MAO has come over the years, they just don’t have the kind of equipment to take care of this. MAO will be paying for this out of funding, thankfully. Unfortunately however, I may not be able to have the colonoscopy because again, it’s something I will have to have a referral for, and MAO doesn’t have the funding for that. My nurse practitioner said she would see what she could do, but probably I won’t be able to get one.
Really, I don’t want to go through a colonoscopy anymore than the next person does, but under the circumstances it is something that I really do need to have done in order to make sure there aren’t any problems. I don’t have any heredity issues concerning this, so it’s probably nothing, but the doctor wants to make sure that I don’t have colon cancer, or any other form of cancer that could be causing my weight loss.
For whatever reason, I’m not really too concerned that I have cancer. I suppose it could be denial (probably is) I just feel like it is ‘time’ for me to loose weight. Yes, silly I know, but I have been heavy the better part of my life. I figure it’s my turn to be thin, or at least thinner than I have been. I still would rather have the tests done to find out if there is something wrong, and have it taken care of, if there is. Of course I guess even if they did find out that I had cancer, I probably couldn’t get treatment anyway. I’m sure that MAO won’t cover that.
It just dawned on me that in general, I don’t worry about having HIV, or getting anything else for that matter. Yeah, I get sick, and sometimes I feel like I’m going to do die. I haven’t though. I’m still here. I much more prefer to get stressed out about how I’m going to pay the phone bill, or how I’m going to get my car fixed WHEN it breaks down again. I just don’t stress about HIV very much. I admit, occasionally I do, but it sure isn’t very often. I gave it to God a long time ago, and I know whatever his will is, it will be. (I suppose I should do the same with the phone bill and car, eh?)
I think what bothers me the most about having this disease is what it will do to my family and friends if I were to die. I’m one of those people who are more concerned about everyone else and their feelings than I am my own. I know if I were to die, that I would be with God, and that makes me happy, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about my family and friends who love me, those who I will leave behind. Yeah, I am one of the sappy types too; I’m sitting here crying just thinking about how my dad would take it. My step-mother, as stubborn as she can be, I think it would hurt her a lot too. I imagine my mom would for some reason feel guilty and feel as if she wasn’t there enough for me. My sister would probably be horribly hurt, even though she’ll never admit it. My little brother, I really don’t know how he would react, and I worry about him the least. I know he loves me. He’s a strong bugger, he’d probably hold the rest of the family together. My husband, it would probably destroy him, especially being that we have been separated for the better part of our marriage thanks to the slow immigration system. (And we are still waiting.)
I really don’t know how the subject changed so quickly. As I have said, I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, and I will fight for as long as the fight is within me. I truly believe that God has a plan for me; I don’t think it’s to die from this disease or any other for that matter.
I have adapted the song from “Finding Nemo” that ‘Dory’ sings…Just keep fighting, just keep fighting, what do you do, you fight, fight. Sorry to get so emotional. I can’t even watch one of those stupid long distance commercials without boohooing. Just for good measure, how bout you call your family and let them know how much they mean to you.
posted by Mrs. T at 4:11 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you so much for suggesting applie cider vinegar for my nerve pain, I certainly intend to try it.
Hugs, Jilly xxx
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